You know in the past three days that it’s really hit home, I’ve gotten to realized how different I’ve actually become. I’m learning now how much I dislike myself and that’s really hard to deal with in a sense. I’d like to be all eloquent and say something profound, but frankly, I don’t think I can. I’m trying to find my old self again, the one I did like. The confidence I did have. The controlled empathy and the solitude of apathy all at the same time. It’s like finding peace again I guess.
I mean don’t get me wrong, I want her back and all, but the thing is I just havea little more to juggle. Today I looked up what I needed to get into Baylor and survive. I’m going to have to take 18 hour courses in order to stay afloat money-wise and I hope to god that I can make it. I’ve researched pretty much everything I can and I even e-mailed the representative in my area, so we’ll see how that goes.
On top of that my friends have been great to me. They’ve put up with all my crap 24/7, it’s amazing. Brooks and I are getting closer again and I’m happy to have him around once more. I’m happy to know that he’s making a genuine change. Marty, Leshon, Brooks and I made steaks the other night on the grill, but Brooks’s overly smart golden retriever Sandy knocked the steaks off the side table of the grill as we went inside to grab something so half the steaks were ruined. We had our regular old porn dinner and watched a little BtVS and such after that. Leshon and I stayed up all night talking and playing Guitar Hero.
As far as my birthday is concerned, I’m really unhappy with everyone I’ve invited. No one seems to want to go or… I don’t even know. I just feel like these people aren’t really my friends. I don’t know why I even know them. Why I even invited them. Anyhow I’m saving up money for a computer so that I can do better in school. Seriously, that’s what it’s for. Oh, well I have to go help Marty finish playing Lego Star Wars, so I’ll update later, but good things for the future.
P.S. Sorry about the Cap’n Cody trip yesterday morning, guys. I’m sure y’all found it entertaining.
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What can I say, I love blogs. I already chatted with you today so no need to event make a comment. Oh wait. I already did.